Juliet and Griffin

For each of our children's first birthday, they get their "own" german shepherd puppy. We raise and train shepherds, so we have a house full of them. Juliet's pup just got here a few weeks ago and he is a sweetie pie. His name is Griffin. Griffin was born on February 14th, 2014. (Juliet's "supposed to be" first birthday.) He was also a preemie and needed extra care in order to survive. They are bonding great and Juliet loves to "tickle" him. I know they will be great friends as they grow up together and Griffin will be just the protector she needs.

17 Months and Going Strong

I realized I have not given any detailed updates on Juliet lately. So get ready...

Juliet will be 18 months on May 6th. She is making wonderful progress in all aspects and truly is a joy to be around. Juliet has been spending her time playing outdoors at our new property. (We are in the process of building a new house on 7 acres.) She is now able to hold onto and swing on a tire swing, go down the "roller coaster", and play catch with her big brother. She loves to be a part of the "big kids" and tries hard to keep up. She has recently figured out to rock on her rocking horse, and will spend hours a day rocking away.

Juliet has also started talking more. Her favorite words are "whoa", "wow", "boom" and "yeah"(especially when our pastor pauses during his sermon). She is slowly learning "all done" when she is done eating. She will say "dada" when she wants him, but its like pulling teeth to get her to say "mama". When you are the 5th child in the family, you learn to be heard, and Juliet is no exception. If she is getting "ignored" or talked over, she will squeal like a little piggy until everyone stops and looks at her. She usually just smiles and is happy to once again be the center of everyone's world. (She is not spoiled at all, haha)

Juliet is now 22 pounds and is starting to try and "run". It looks more like a waddle, but I'll take it! She will finish up with PT this month, and only receive evaluations every 6 weeks to make sure she is staying on track. She goes back to get another evaluation in August for a "corrected age" 18 months evaluation.

Juliet has been given the OK to start going out in public again. YAY for NO MORE RSV!! She will not be allowed in any form of child care until June, and we are advised to stay away from extremely crowded areas. So far we have been back to church for 3 weeks and she has done very well. She still gets over stimulated very easy, so we will be taking things slow when it comes to introducing her to public places.

Easter was a blast. We were all back at church as a family, which was wonderful. Juliet was big enough to go "egg hunting" with her big brothers and sister. She loves to open and close the eggs over and over.

Overall, Juliet is doing wonderful and keeping me busy. Every day we blessed to have her in our life, and the joy she brings in irreplaceable. Jacob will always be missed, but Juliet is our link to him and I see him in her every day.

Sick Baby

This past week we took Juliet in to get her second to last synagist shot. I am so looking forward to being done with this chapter of her story. Unfortunately, the next day she started feeling very sick. She was lethargic, had a slight fever, and she was breathing faster than normal. My first instinct is to always check her O2s. She was still stating around 97, but she just looked off. My mommy instincts told me something was not right. I took her to see her doctor on Wednesday. She had a horrible ear infection, her fever had jumped up to 103, and her breathing was still faster than normal. Her doctor was concerned with the sound of her breathing, so we headed over to get an x-ray of her lungs.

We got both good and bad news. Juliet did NOT have RSV, which is always the biggest fear with premature babies with weak lungs. However, she did have pneumonia in her right lung. Her right lung is the stronger of the two. Due to being born early, her left lung was damaged more than her right. This means that her right lung was not working as well now, which was putting more stress on her left, weak lung. We started her on a steroid antibiotic and watched her like a hawk. We agreed that if possible, it was best to keep her home instead of taking her to the hospital and risk exposing her to other illnesses. Brett and I took turns staying up with her at night and keeping an eye on her breathing. By the end of those first 24 hours she was feeling better and her breathing had slowed. The doctor said it would probably take 2-3 weeks for her to fully overcome the pneumonia.

Even with doing everything we can, we cannot always keep her from getting sick. I am so thankful God has given me my mommy instincts and allowed me to know my children well enough to know when they are not themselves. Our doctor had mentioned if we had waited even another 24 hours, it probably would have ended up with her needed oxygen at the hospital. We are just so glad we caught it fast and she is on the upswing now!

Valentine's Day 2014

Juliet with Jacob's urn

Today marks the day Juliet and Jacob "should" be celebrating their first birthday. Oh the what if...

Instead, Juliet is 15 months old now and progressing great. She went in for her 15 month check up and here are her stats (all of these are based on full term babies)

Head circumference: 17.91 inches (45 percentile)
Weight: 20lbs 8oz (39 percentile)
Height: 29.5 inches (15th percentile)

Over all, her development has been great and she is growing at a constant rate. She is healthy, which is wonderful as we begin to come to the end of RSV season. We will be continue to be on lock down until the middle of April.

Juliet is consistently taking 3-7 steps at a time, and she is really enjoying being able to be up. She loves to walk with help all over our house! I cannot believe she will be a toddler before too long! We will go into First Steps for a full evaluation in March. That should be our last appointment with them as long as everything goes well.
All in all, she is doing wonderful and we are excited that she is improving so well. Thank you for all the continue prayers for her and our family!

Juliet and "Jacob Bear"

Our Girl is Almost WALKING!!!

It has been a while since I updated on here, so there are a lot of new things going on!
Juliet is making wonderful progress this year and so far we are in awe of her abilities. She is down to only one therapy session a week instead of the two she was getting last year. She is standing on her own and loving it! She will bounce to music and loves to "dance" with mommy. She has just started clapping, and expects everyone to clap for her when she does it. Trust me, she will stare you down until you clap for her. (She is going to be very upset when she realizes she really is not the center of the universe).

Just in the past week, she has begun taking steps on her own. She has gone up to 3 steps before she fell into Daddy's arms. She is so proud of herself and she loves being up. It won't be long before our little miracle child is a TODDLER!! Oh where has the time gone?!

We have also started working on sign language with her. She now knows "all done" and "more". Its great to see her communicating and the joy on her face when she realizes we understand what she wants. (Well, unless she tells us "all done" during therapy, and doesn't get her way).  She has also started to babble more, and loves to "talk" to her big brother Jackson.

She is weighting right at 21 pounds and has started to join in when Daddy wrestles with the big kids. It is so wonderful to see her interacting with her siblings and becoming the independent child that she is.

We are still on "house arrest" until the middle of April, but so far we have managed to avoid any major illnesses, so it must be working.  It will be an adjustment for all of us to go back out into public when we are allowed to, but I am looking forward to showing off our girl to all our close friends and church family.

We are getting close to the one year anniversary of her coming home from the Hospital. I still cannot believe she has been home for a YEAR!!! I expect one day, these dates may not seem as big to me, but I cannot help but think of all we have accomplished in the past year. I am so THANKFUL God has blessed me with this little girl, and even though the beginning of her life was not "great", I wouldn't trade it for anything.

New Year Resolutions

As 2014 begins, I think about what I want to change this year compared to last year. I think back about how I handled last year, and overall I am pretty proud of all our family has done and how we have stuck together though the trials of bringing home a NICU baby. The kids love her, her dad and I love her, and we all enjoy having Juliet in our lives. We have all made sacrifices to help keep her safe and we all play our part in helping her develop on track. As a whole, my family is pretty awesome! But I think about how I did, and I realized I spend most (if not all) of 2013 running away from my pain of losing Jacob. I pushed it down, ignored it, and just pretended it wasn't there, until someone called me out on it. I now realize, I will never get better if I cannot accept the pain of losing him. I feel I have hit a wall with my "healing" and find myself not getting any better. So, for 2014, my goal is to heal more. Its to cry when I need to, and not be afraid to laugh when I want to as well. I want to enjoy life again, and I know part of enjoying life, is also accepting the pain as it comes.
SO... what that means is I will be starting a new blog. (I figured you all really wanted to know about Juliet and not me.. haha.) Oh and I will continue this one for updates on Juliet. I'm not sure what it will be called yet, but I am hoping it will be a place for other grieving moms to get support and for others to see what the loss of a child really does to the parents who are left behind.
Besides the blog, I plan on doing more. More with Juliet, and more to support those who were born so early. Juliet has been an inspiration, as she is such a happy baby. I wish I could have the joy that she has, so that is what I will be trying to get to. I want to let God in and show me that life can still be joyful, even when it is painful. I know God is the only one who can stitch me back together, and I am ready for Him to do so.
So here is to a great 2014, with lots of healing. I hope you all follow me in my new journey, and keep me accountable. I know I cannot do this by myself. But with God on my side, EVERYTHING is possible. I will beat this pain, and while Jacob will never be forgotten, I hope I can change my memories of him from ones of pain, to ones of joy.

I FORGOT CHRISTMAS!!!

As I was looking back over the blog and where I left off, I realized I never talked about CHRISTMAS!!! How in the world did I forget it?!
So, even though its late here is Christmas...

Christmas was great this year! It was Juliet's First Christmas at home and she loved all the decorations. She would crawl to the tree every morning and see how many ornaments she could pull off before I got to her. She loved to "watch" the tree and lights and always seemed to be looking for something. It was so sweet to watch her "dance" to the Christmas music. Christmas morning was fun as she is almost old enough to enjoy opening presents. Thankfully, her older siblings helped her with opening them and setting up her toys. I think her favorite time of day was Christmas dinner. I think she ate 3 helpings of ham along with roles and sweet potatoes. All the present opening made her a tired girl!
Grandma came for Christmas this year and it was great to watch them interact for the first time in a while. Juliet really enjoys people and loves to watch those around her.

As with every holiday, it was bittersweet. I don't think Christmas hit me as hard last year because Juliet was still in the NICU. This year, having her home and our "whole" family together made it even more obvious that Jacob is still missing.  I hung all of our stocking up with year, Jacob included and I love the way it looks. If only just with our stockings, we are all together. I also started a new tradition in honor our sweet boy. Every year, on Christmas day, I will write Jacob a letter and stick it in his stocking. It will stay there, and as the years pass, I will be able to see what has gone on and how life has changed, while my love for Jacob stays the same. He will always be a part of our lives and especially our holidays. Day by day we keep moving, but we never forget our guardian angel that brought Juliet to us.