June 28th, 2013

One year ago, I went to the doctor for my first check up. It was that moment when the technician put the monitor on my stomach that i saw it for the first time. Two tiny heart beats. I remember it like it was yesterday. I began laughing hysterically, as I realized what that meant. I was carrying twins. There were two babies in my stomach, not just one. Two good, strong heartbeats. There are no twins on either side of our families. While I never dreamed it would happen to me, my husband had been teasing me since we found out we were pregnant that it was twins. But now I had it before my eyes. I could not deny it any longer. God had blessed me with two more children. This is the beginning of it all. While the memories of that day are ones of joy and happiness, and a little panic. OK a lot of panic, they are good memories. But, they are also the beginning of really bad memories. They are the beginning of the story. Those good memories will soon get drowned out by the horrific memories that will soon come. This day marks the beginning. It marks the beginning of joy, and pain, and hurt, and brokenness. I am dreading this coming year, as I pass all those major days that defined my pregnancy. Soon will come the day my water broke, and the day we were told to abort both of our children. The days of hope that came after as our children hung on to life and didn't give up. Those days of joy realizing I resealed and Jacob had a normal level of fluid again. The day my water broke for the second time. The day I went into the hospital and the days that followed. The day they were born, and the day Jacob died. They are all coming, and coming faster than I want them to come. But time moves on, and I've been told wounds heal. I just pray for healing to come quickly. This pain is just too much, and it is only the beginning.

Summertime and the Living is Good

Summers in Austin, TX are sometimes miserable. With the temperature being in the 105 area, there are few things you can do outside. Just a walk to get the mail can be too much for our little peanut. So, what is a mom to do with 4 kids wanting to play. Get a huge waterslide of course!!! We set it for the first time with weekend and what a blast we all had! Juliet loved laying in the cool shade with just enough water to splash!

Big Brother Jackson, Mommy and Juliet playing
in the shallow end.

Playing Peek-a-boo after our water fun!

A Girl and Her Dog

"Must Love Dogs" is a saying that is very true in our household. When I am not busy with 2 legged children, I breed and train my 4 legged furry kids: My German Shepherds. At the moment, we have 4, and they are all very much a part of our family. The kids grow up around them, learning how to care for pets as well as "help" me train them. All of our dogs are completely safe to be around and they all love children. I was feeding Juliet the other day and one of our females Pixie came to snuggle on the couch next to us. Pixie is 2 years old and just loves babies. She very much has a mothering instinct. Juliet is fascinated with the dogs and just loves to get a hold them any chance she gets. After she was done eating, they decided to snuggle together on the couch. I just love that she will always have a best friend by her side, no matter what is going on in her life. 

Juliet Loves Miss Kelli

  

Juliet has been doing physical therapy for 2 weeks now and we are already seeing some great improvements on her strength and coordination. Juliet loves Ms. Kelli and she is doing an awesome job. Juliet is now working on building the strength in her arms as well as continuing to get her neck stronger. We are starting to work on sitting up on her own and getting her to push up onto her hands. Overall, she is doing wonderful and I could not be happier with her progress! She also went to see her GI doctor this week and we decided to go ahead and up her medication again. While I am not thrilled at the idea of another 3+ months on medication, I hope it will help her continue to grow and improve and I know soon she will be off of it all together. I really cannot complain too much considering all she needs is a little therapy and some medication for reflux. It could be much worse, and if it were not for God answering our prayers, I know it would have been much worse. Her weight is doing awesome as well! She is up to 14lbs 11oz, which is a huge growth increase from last time. At her 6 month check up she was in the 2 percentile for weight on the regular growth chart. She is now in the 10th!! That is a awesome jump for just a few weeks and the doctors are all very pleased with it. She will go to the high risk pediatrition this coming week to get another evaluation, but I can honestly say, I am not the least bit worried about what they will say. I know she is doing amazing!

How Can You Not LOVE This Face??

Just a few of my favorites of our Juju Bug!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Juliet went to her first baseball game! While I'm not sure what she thought of the actual game, she loved laying on the grass and enjoying the time outside. It is these firsts that are so much fun, knowing in the back of my head if it were not for Jacob, she would not be here with us.

She is not amused by the hat.

 

Bring on the Therapy

Tired out after her evaluation

Juliet had an evaluation for Physical Therapy last week. She has a strong right head turn, meaning she always wants to look to the right. We wanted to catch it earlier rather than later. The faster we can get it fixed, the less likely it will cause other problems in the future. Her therapist Kelli, came out the house and did a 2 hour evaluation. Poor Juliet was exhausted, but we got a good feel for where she is developmentally and what is needed to be done. We officially started therapy on Monday and Kelli will be back again on Friday to check her progress. Thankfully, her neck muscles are not shortened, which is a common problem with premature babies, but they are very weak on the left side. Kelli has given Brett and I a few different positions to hold her in order to work those neck muscles. We are also working on her rolling over from back to stomach, as its a great exercise for the entire left side of her neck and back. She is doing great so far and we are hoping it will help her improve faster and close the gap of delay she has from being born so early. She actually enjoys the therapy. She is always such a people person! We are looking forward to seeing her improvement every week. She is continuing to grow wonderfully and we look forward to the years to come with our precious Juliet!

7 Months Old

Juliet is seven months old today. Wow time just flies when you have a little one. So what has she been up to? Let me fill you in! Juliet weighs in at just over 14 pounds and is 24 inches long. She loves to smile at everyone, but especially likes her "Uncle" Greg. (a good friend of ours). She has started to make noise, and will giggle when the dogs come to give her kisses. She loves music of all kinds. She is starting to try and sit without much help. Her tummy time has gotten slightly better. She no longer falls asleep right away; it usually takes her a good 10 minutes. She has officially become mobile too. She will lay on her back and scoot herself across the floor. (Which means the hair on the back of her head may not be there much longer.) Yesterday she managed to move about 4 feet from her play mat to under our kitchen table! I panicked when she was no longer in the place I put her. I realize my easy days are coming to an end very quickly. She loves to get baths and I look forward to taking her to the pool. Today she got to feel sand for the first time, and she truly loved digging her toes in it. She is eating great too! She is taking an average of 1,000 milliliters a day, which is roughly 33 ounces. We are not starting baby food for at least another few months as her doctors would prefer she get the nutrients out of the formula longer. She is truly a joy to be around and can bring a smile to anyone's face.

Working her way off her playmat

Testing out her cuteness factor in glasses

Snuggling with Big Brother Jackson, Mommy, and  the dog is trying to be a part of it too!

PPROM Awareness Day

Yesterday and today are PPROM Awareness Day. Most people have no idea what this is, and in a way, that is good. But for me, this is life-changing. This is what has cause me to no longer be able to have children. This is what killed my son. PPROM is preterm premature rupture of membranes. In other words, your water breaking before 37 weeks, (which is considered term) and it breaking for no known reason, such as preterm labor. There is no way to fix this once it happens. 80% of women deliver within 48 hours of their water breaking. 9% of the remaining 10% of babies will pass away in the first 8 days, and the remaining 1% are anywhere from surviving with huge life-long disabilities, to no problems at all, to not surviving after birth. And no mother knows which one her child will be until the time comes. I managed to escape the 99% and make it to the 1%. However, after 30 hours it was obvious that we were not going to get a good outcome. Not even an okay outcome. Our son was going to die, and he did. We have to get awareness of this out in the public eye. Most doctors, including mine, told me I needed to terminate. (Even though I had a perfectly healthy child still in me, two actually). They made me sign a release form saying I knew that if I continued on with this pregnancy, I was risking my own life, and there was a GOOD chance I would die. So many women and told this, and do not realize there are other options. There are things they can do to stay healthy and give their unborn child a fighting chance. Please help me get the word out. This is a huge reason children are born early, and a huge factor in the number of infant deaths every year. We need to find a way to stop whatever is causing it, which there is no know reason for why a women's water would break so early. And we need to make sure these women have the encouragement they need to keep going. Please keep all these mommies and babies in your prayers. We need to get research going for this so there can at least be more options for mothers then to abort their unborn child. If you would like to help, please go to https://www.facebook.com/cwcpprom and donate to help families medical bills in this situation. You can also donate to March of Dimes as they do research on PPROM. Thank you for your support in our lives. Jacob's life will always be remember. He has lit a fire in me to find an answer to this and do what I can to help bring babies home. I have included two pictures.

The first one is of my daughter Juliet. Her water did not break and as you can see she has a large black pocket over her head, which is the fluid. The second is one of Jacob after his water broke.  He has no dark spots, indicating he had no fluid. He was squished the entire time.