Merry Christmas From the NICU. We got to spend some Mommy/daughter time last night with a warm bath, new Christmas pajamas, and a few photos. I was even able to wish her her first Merry Christmas right at midnight! Hope you are all realizing how blessed we truly are by our wonderful Savior. May you enjoy the end of 2012, and may God bring you an abundant of blessings in 2013!

We hit another huge milestone!

Three pounds!! Juliet is now just over three pounds. This may seem like an odd thing to be excited about, since that is still smaller than anyone would want their child to weigh. But for those of us who have seen a baby that weighted a little over a pound, this is a huge step. Every ounce she gains means her body is developing more. Her lungs are growing and able to support her body better. Her heart is able to pump more blood through those veins, that are now just a hair bigger. Her brain is growing and maturing. Her organs are working correctly and maturing and growing to sustain her. Every ounce is a big step for her and we are so ecstatic that she is continuing to improve.

For the first time, she smiled at me when she heard my voice. There is no greater joy in a mother's heart, than realizing that your child knows you. Even though I cannot be there all the time to sooth her crying, or change her diaper, she does know who I am. She knows I fought so hard to give her the best chance at life. She knows how much I love her. And she finds true joy in having me near her. Only God could give me a moment like that today, and it was exactly what I needed. God is Good! He is here, watching over my baby girl, and I rest peacefully knowing He is protecting her every second of every day.

Juliet Marie Phillips

Brett and I would like to formally introduce you to Juliet Marie Phillips. It has taken us a while to get to this point, but we are now ready to share a picture of our little peanut with you. This picture was taken on December 13, 2012. She is 5 weeks old and weighs 2 lbs 14oz at the time! Hope you enjoy! p.s. that is my hand on top her head to give an indication of size.- Brett and Shelly

More to Preemies than Size

Size is always a side effect of being born early, but size is not the only issue with preemies. So many people think a preemie is just a smaller newborn, but that is far from the case. There is a reason women are suppose to be pregnant for 40 weeks, and it really has little to do with the actual size of the baby. They are truly not developed yet. Sometimes, the bowels have not connected, so they cannot digest. Their heart is still working as if it was in utero, so it has extra valves that cannot close on their own because the muscles around them are too weak. The biggest thing that still needs to develop is the brain. After talking to Juliet's nurse, she gave me some disturbing facts about the brain. When thinking of a human brain, we usually see it as pink, with lots of bumps and crevasses all over. The brain of a 25 weeker however is smooth, like a shaved pear and white. This means all those connections that should be on the brain are not developed yet. This means the brain forgets to tell the baby to inhale or exhale. It forgets to keep the heart beating, or the body moving. They do not have to coordination to suck, swallow and breath in the right order. They forget to breath. These babies are not just small. They are so under developed, without the intervention of machines and nurses that watch these babies like a hawk, there is no way they would be able to survive. There is no such thing as a healthy 25 weeker. We are asking the body to do things it was never intended to do at this point, plus now it needs to develop in an environment that is not ideal for proper development. Juliet is doing wonderful, but she is not "just a tiny newborn". She is a very sick, struggling baby to just get the basic life sustaining functions down. And it will take time. But with God's grace and strength she will continue to improve every day and one day soon we will get the joy of brining her home for the first time.

"What does a one pound baby look like?"

People keep asking me "what does a 1 pound baby look like?" While it is something no one will understand unless they have seen one, I will try and put it in perspective. If you can put all these things together, hopefully, you can have a better picture of what our little peanut looks like, or at least her size. First off, realize that all preemies have 'a look' that is associated with being premature. Their head is too big for their body, their eyes too big for their face, and everything else so tiny it looks like you could break it if you squeezed too hard. I am not a very big person. I am about 5'8" and roughly 125 pounds. My hands are not huge, so keep that in mind as most of these comparisons are based off my hand size. So, how big is she? The best way to describe her head is roughly the size of a racket ball. For those of you how don't know how big that is, it's between a golf ball and a baseball. Her body (neck to bottom) fits in the palm of my hand. Her forearm is the same length and width of my pinkie finger. Her palm is smaller than my finger print, and her whole hand cannot wrap but half way around my ring finger. My wedding band is more like a bracelet for her and my diamond stud earrings are bigger than her whole ear. Her diaper is the size of a credit card, and still too big might I add. Her calf is the size of my thumb and her toes are a little wider than a toothpick. When I hold her on my chest, her whole body is above my bra. She is shorter from head to toe than my forearm. And just for laughs, Juliet weighed less than our German Shepherd puppies we breed were at birth, as they all weighed in at over 2 pounds.

Made it off CPAP

Hurray! Our little cupcake is moving right along. Today she made the jump from CPAP to high flow nasal cannula. This is less breathing support than CPAP and much less head gear. We can now see her face and head, and she has a head full of dark hair! She is also putting on the grams. Juliet is now 2lbs 10oz! Looks like the protein is doing its job.

The First Month

I cannot believe it has been a month since we welcomed Jacob and Juliet into this world and into our family. What a month it has been!! The pain is still as strong as it was the day God called Jacob home, but the memories are becoming stronger and I cherish each one of them more and more every day. Juliet has made some amazing progress and we look forward to the day God will allow us to finally bring her home. What has she been doing you ask? She has been on four different machines to help her breath. The first two took breaths for her, the third helped remind her to breath on her own, and the forth helped keep her lungs open so they would not collapse. She has had two rounds of medication to shrink a large PDA to a small PDA, which is an artery in the heart that is needed during pregnancy, but is suppose to close during the birthing process. She behaved and helped it shrink enough to avoid heart surgery at this moment. She gets weekly shots to help her tiny body produce more blood cells. She is on iron, caffeine, extra protein in her breast milk and sodium. She gets blood taken twice a week, has had a couple blood transfusions, and heal sticks galore! She has had almost as many ultrasounds as me, and has beaten me on number of x rays in a lifetime. She started on 50 percent oxygen and is now down to 25 percent. She can now open her eyes and will look for Mommy and Daddy if she hears us. She will snuggle in tight to mom and dad when we get the chance to Kangaroo care her. She has a mind of her own and always needs one leg sticking out of her little swaddle. She has been a love bug to her many nurses and has a couple she prefers. She is growing! My little 1lb 13 oz, 13 inches long baby is now a good 2lbs 7oz and almost 15inches! She is blowing the doctors away with her progress and is truly our miracle baby! She is proving that statistics are not always right, and babies even this young deserve a chance to fight! She has good days, and bad days, as any 25 weeker will. But she is thriving, and only by God's sweet grace am I able to hold my precious daughter every day. She has an amazing Guardian Angel watching out for her too. I look forward to more wonderful updates and being able to share our little princess with anyone who will listen! God is Good! Happy One Month Birthday my Sweet Jacob and Juliet!

It is All in God's Plan

On November 9th, I am discharged from the hospital. This is the second time I will be coming home from giving birth without my baby in the back seat, as our third child was also a NICU baby. I will admit, it was easier this time. I know it will be a while before she comes home with me, but I am determined she will be coming home, just has her big brother Jackson did. Before I leave, the doctor gives me one more piece of information he feels I should know. I am questioning as to whether taking them both was the right decision and he makes sure I realize it was the "best decision he has ever made", and "truly a God thing." While we delivered in order to save Jacob's life, we ended up saving Juliet. It turns out that she had an abruption of the placenta, which means she was no longer getting blood, air or nutrients at all. It was amazing she was still alive at all, as she should have already been dead. Usually with a placental abruption, there is horrible pain and blood loss, neither of which I experienced. I did have a headache all morning, which could have been linked to the blood loss. No matter what, the timing of these two entering the world was God's timing. It also has given me a sense of peace knowing that Jacob's purpose in this life was to bring his sister to us, at the best time for her. He was never meant to stay here long, and I am thankful that he is now back with our Heavenly Father.