We Have Come So Far

For Juliet's first birthday, I decided I was going to finish her scrapbook. I started a scrapbook for each of the them when I found out I was having twins. I have one page in it and that is the announcement that we were pregnant. I have not been able to bring myself to look at those books since my water broke with Jacob over a year ago. While it is hard to go through it all again, when the pain is still so strong, I need to do this. I need to finish this book for Juliet and for myself. I need to get the scary and sad parts done, so I can have fun doing all the pages of pictures of her now. I want to write it all down before I forget what it was like to be in the NICU for 119 days. But, thinking back over all she has been through, I cannot help but realize how much God did for us. She escaped the NICU  with no brain bleeds, no lasting affects of the NICU and just two medications!!! God protected her every step of the way, and I am truly grateful. But, she still struggled a lot. I remember when she almost flat lined and they had to bag her for a few minutes. I remember all the wires she was hooked up to and every monitor constantly keeping track of her every move. I think back and I don't know what I would do without all the nurses and doctors that took care of her. I am tearing up now just thinking about what they all mean to me. I will be forever grateful to each and every one of them. They will always be a part of our family. I remember how small she was when I saw her for the first time. It amazes me that she has come so far in just 9 months. I look forward to finishing up her book, and being able to put that past behind us, as we look forward to what God will bring into our lives next.

 5 days old

9 months old

9 months and Counting

I cannot believe our little Peanut is 9 months old already!!! Time has been going way to fast at the Phillips's house! So, it has been a while since I last updated you all. So here are the statistics of our Juliet.
Weight: 16lbs 8oz
Length: 27 inches
Diaper size: 3
Size Clothes: 6-9 months
Ounces a day: Between 35-40

Our girl is getting so big and developing great. She is now sitting on her own and on 8/11 she began army crawling. Now she can go anywhere! While I am super proud of her, I am not really ready for this stage! I found it is much harder when you have 3 older children who love to leave their itty bitty toys all over the floor. She is so proud of herself whenever she gets to the toy she is after. It melts my heart to see the joy in her eyes. She is still getting PT twice a week, but it is obviously working, so we will continue it until she is caught up to her actual age.
She had her 6 month evaluation this week and excelled at everything. She is between 7-9 months in all her development.This is huge as they did not expect her to start catching up until she passed the one year mark. The doctors are shocked by her progress and thrilled to see her doing so well. It just goes to prove that not every 25 weeker is going to have all the complications the doctors expect. With  God on our side, we knew she would be okay, and she is doing wonderful. We cannot thank those enough who have kept her in your prayers. You are all a part of this and we are excited to share our joy with you!

She is still eating her baby food and still loves it! She is now up to eating, carrots, sweet potatoes, green beans, bananas, oatmeal, and we are about to start apples. This girl LOVES her food!

She is still that happy baby she was from day one. She enjoys life and is always entertained by her siblings and the dogs. She will smile at just about everyone but she defiantly loves her big brothers. It is bittersweet. I know she would have loved having Jacob here to play with, and it breaks my heart to see the love for her two older brothers, knowing Jacob should be a part of that too.

All in all, she is doing wonderful and we love to watch her grow!

Nine Months of Missing You

Wow, 9 months. That is 31.9 weeks. 274 days. 6,574 hours. 394,462 minutes. 23,670,000 seconds. 9 months of miss you Sweet Jacob. Not a single one of those seconds go by without you on my mind. I was hoping by now, the raw pain would be less and those memories of you would begin to be ones I smiled at instead of cried. But they are not. I still cry when I think of you. When someone asks me "How are you really doing?", I still have tears escape. I don't know when it will get easier. I don't know if it will EVER get easier. I miss you and I always will. I know God's plans are to bring me hope and a future, and not to harm me, but I don't know how. I don't know what will make the pain seem worth it, or what could possible be "good enough" for me to understand why you had to leave. And maybe I never will. I may never understand it. But I hope I can move on. I want to be happy again. I want to find joy in life, and not have the underlying pain I have today. I want to feel the way I did when you were growing inside me. When you were beating all the odds and I had hope for your future. I want that back. But I realize it will never come. So I take one day at a time. I keep moving forward, because there is nothing else I can do.

 

Seeing Our Nurses

After Juliet's appointment last month, I took her up to see a few of the nurses at the NICU. We miss them every day and are so thankful for everything they did. It was great to see them all again and we look forward to meeting up for the NICU Reunion in a few months!

Hurray for Baby Food!!

Juliet has officially started baby food as of July 19th. The first feeding when great! She was excited to try it and loved the food! She took about 1/2 ounce of baby food, but we had to stop because her back muscles started to get tired. As she builds strength, she will eat more, but I am thrilled she did such a great job the first time. Like everything else with micro-preemies, we have to start off very slow.