Wow, 9 months. That is 31.9 weeks. 274 days. 6,574 hours. 394,462 minutes. 23,670,000 seconds. 9 months of miss you Sweet Jacob. Not a single one of those seconds go by without you on my mind. I was hoping by now, the raw pain would be less and those memories of you would begin to be ones I smiled at instead of cried. But they are not. I still cry when I think of you. When someone asks me "How are you really doing?", I still have tears escape. I don't know when it will get easier. I don't know if it will EVER get easier. I miss you and I always will. I know God's plans are to bring me hope and a future, and not to harm me, but I don't know how. I don't know what will make the pain seem worth it, or what could possible be "good enough" for me to understand why you had to leave. And maybe I never will. I may never understand it. But I hope I can move on. I want to be happy again. I want to find joy in life, and not have the underlying pain I have today. I want to feel the way I did when you were growing inside me. When you were beating all the odds and I had hope for your future. I want that back. But I realize it will never come. So I take one day at a time. I keep moving forward, because there is nothing else I can do.
No comments:
Post a Comment