New Year Resolutions

As 2014 begins, I think about what I want to change this year compared to last year. I think back about how I handled last year, and overall I am pretty proud of all our family has done and how we have stuck together though the trials of bringing home a NICU baby. The kids love her, her dad and I love her, and we all enjoy having Juliet in our lives. We have all made sacrifices to help keep her safe and we all play our part in helping her develop on track. As a whole, my family is pretty awesome! But I think about how I did, and I realized I spend most (if not all) of 2013 running away from my pain of losing Jacob. I pushed it down, ignored it, and just pretended it wasn't there, until someone called me out on it. I now realize, I will never get better if I cannot accept the pain of losing him. I feel I have hit a wall with my "healing" and find myself not getting any better. So, for 2014, my goal is to heal more. Its to cry when I need to, and not be afraid to laugh when I want to as well. I want to enjoy life again, and I know part of enjoying life, is also accepting the pain as it comes.
SO... what that means is I will be starting a new blog. (I figured you all really wanted to know about Juliet and not me.. haha.) Oh and I will continue this one for updates on Juliet. I'm not sure what it will be called yet, but I am hoping it will be a place for other grieving moms to get support and for others to see what the loss of a child really does to the parents who are left behind.
Besides the blog, I plan on doing more. More with Juliet, and more to support those who were born so early. Juliet has been an inspiration, as she is such a happy baby. I wish I could have the joy that she has, so that is what I will be trying to get to. I want to let God in and show me that life can still be joyful, even when it is painful. I know God is the only one who can stitch me back together, and I am ready for Him to do so.
So here is to a great 2014, with lots of healing. I hope you all follow me in my new journey, and keep me accountable. I know I cannot do this by myself. But with God on my side, EVERYTHING is possible. I will beat this pain, and while Jacob will never be forgotten, I hope I can change my memories of him from ones of pain, to ones of joy.