I opened your box today. It is the first time in over 5 months. I cannot believe I said goodbye 6 months ago today. I sat and went through all the pictures of you. My favorites are the ones with your sister. The only ones I have of my two perfect twins together. I saw your little toes again. Your hands were so tiny. Your little footprints. Your little club foot. Your nose that fit you so well. I knew you were mine because of that nose. The pictures of me and your dad holding you for the first and last time. I held your diaper. I kissed your little butterfly. I realized how small you were, but you were still perfect. Your little blood pressure cuff, that just barely fits over my finger. Your hat that was too big for your precious little head. I held your blanket close to my face, and I could still smell you. That sweet, innocent newborn smell. I miss that, a lot. I miss you. I miss feeling you kick and squirm. I miss what should have been. I miss your sweet little face. I read over what the nurses said about you. They all loved you. You have impacted so many people, my son. I am proud of you. I am proud of your story, and I am proud to called your mother. But along with that pride is pain. A deep, deep, consuming pain. A pain that will never dull. A pain that brings me to my knees, crying and hurting for you. I miss you. A lot. That will never change. Jakey, I promised myself I would not cry today, but I broke that promise. Over and over again I am going to break that promise.
Jacob, We'll See You Soon
A little light shot across the sky
and faster than a comet fled.
those who saw it wondered why
it left so soon as tears were shed.
Seeing this light flash before their eyes
and leave a blank where bright had been.
They sadly sought to say good-bye
wishing it would glow again.
this little light, this boy Jacob
left much too soon for other shores.
Somehow he'll know how much we'll miss him
as Jesus carried him thru Heaven's door.
Oh the sweet songs he would have sung
what games he would have played.
High the mountains he would have climbed
saved for some other day.
So we'll cry for now but know his light
is making darkness flee somewhere.
Though soon he left from out our sight
Jacob'll know how much we care.
No sad good-byes to say today
"We'll meet again" must be our tune.
With his mom and dad we all should say
not "so long" but "we'll see you soon".
Dedicated to Brett and Shelly by Michael Clearman
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