Mother's Day

Mother's Day was a bittersweet day this year. I usually look forward to the appreciation we get as mothers. Some days it feels like there is none at all. But this year, I was just ready for it to be over. Seeing all the pictures of moms with their children, enjoying the day surrounded by those who they love so very deeply, was painful. Don't get me wrong, spending the day with 4 of kids was wonderful, but knowing I was missing one just hurt. I didn't want to celebrate. I didn't want to take pictures with my kids, because I knew, no matter how hard I tried, there was going to be something, no someone, missing. But, despite the pain of not having Jacob, I do have Juliet. And that is something to be celebrated. When people ask me how many kids I have, I never thought it would be a "hard" question to answer. Seems pretty simple. But I get stumped every time. Do I say I have 5 kids, and risk the chance of having to explain it, or do I say 4, and choke up inside feeling like I let Jacob down by not mentioning him? It is one of those questions that I'm sure I will answer different every time. But for this Mother's Day, I have to enjoy what I have, because you never know when it will be gone. Jacob and Juliet made me a mother for the 4th and 5th time. And that is something to be celebrated. I cannot love these kids any more than I do today. They have made me a better person, they have shown me God in ways only a child can do. I have a lot of names, but the one I love the best is Mom.