Missing Jacob

I know I will never NOT miss Jacob, but some days I wish it didn't hurt so bad. I felt like I was getting better, until 6 months hit. I have been struggling ever since. I read an excerpt out of a book written about child loss. It said the average mother takes 4 years to fully accept and grieve the loss of a child. And if that child was a twin, it can take up to 8, because of the constant reminder of what should have been. I don't want to be miserable for 8 years. I don't want to hurt the way I do right now. In honor of my baby boy, I have started making jewelry. Partly because it is something I can actually do when I am missing him, verses running over and over in my head the "what ifs", but partly because I want to make a difference. I don't want this pain to be for nothing. I want to help others who are in this situation, and I want to do all I can to prevent any more parents and babies from getting here. No one understand this pain. Many get close to it, but this pain is different. I fought for this child. For 13 weeks, I put everything else on hold, including risking my life, to give him a chance to survive. I begged God to let him live. But He didn't let Jacob stay with me. I don't know why, but I know there is a bigger pictures that I cannot see. I know something big is going to come out of this. And anything I can do to help i will. These babies need us. they need our help, our support and most of all, they need us to have Faith that God knows what he is doing, even if it really sucks at the time. Every I item I make I plan on selling. Any profit I make will be donated directly to March of Dimes to help fund research for PPROM. I don't know when it will come, but some day there will be a cure for this. It will no longer be the death sentence it is today. Mothers will no longer be told their child has a 0% chance at life. I hope one day I can look back and know I helped make that a possibility.