Dear NICU

Dear NICU
Where do I begin? You have been part of my life for the past 4 months, and now it is over. I will admit  i hated you at first! I didn't want to be there, but I knew if I couldn't take care of my babies, they were better off with you. I hated the wheelchair ride from my room to you. I hated having to scrub in every time. I hated that I could not hold my babies. But I soon realized you were a friend. A shoulder to cry on when things went bad, and a smile to share when things went well. I began to know you. Each and every one of you. From nurses, to doctors, to RT, OT, and ST and of course the front desk clerks. I knew you all by name, and by the time we left, I could pick our each of your voices in a crowd.
To the Doctors:
Thank you! I could not have asked for a better group of professionals taking care of my children. From Dr. Breed and Dr. Sue who came and talked to my husband and I while I was on bed rest.  To Dr. Kinstra, who delivered my precious babies. To all doctors who watched Juliet grow and encouraged her and us. To Dr. Wheatly who was there the day we came home. To Dr. McCormick who was there when we said goodbye to Jacob. Thank you all! I look back and cannot imagine what our journey would have been like had you all not played a part in it. You will always be a part of Juliet's story, and I truly thank you all so very much for caring for my babies when I was not able.

To the RTs, OTs, and STs:
You all are so important to me! Thank you for keeping her oxygen at the right level and helping get her switched over from one machine to the next. I still remember the first picture I got of Juliet without anything on her face was when you were all working to change her from CPAP to cannula. It was just a brief moment in time, but it gave me hope of what would be coming one day when she was no longer hooked up to anything. To Lisa for all the therapy you did with her every week. Helping her develop those muscles that she was not able to before. Helping her get stronger so she could one day come home. To Tahra, for working so hard with me and Juliet to get her eating! Knowing when to push her, and when to pull back. Keeping her from falling off that side of bottle aversion  (She is eating like a champ now, by the way!) Thank you! I look back and I am so glad I formed friendships with each and every one of you!
To the front desk clerks:
Thank you all for the wonderful conversations while I waited to wash in. Thank you for keeping an eye out on me and making sure I was eating and sleeping. It is weird to not see you every day. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, and being a part of our journey.
To the Nurses:

 Just thinking about writing this is bringing tears to my eyes. You are family to me now. You took care of my babies when I was not able to. You saved Juliet's life numerous times. I remember the first time I touched my son was because Heidi told me I needed to touch him, for him and me. I remember looking in Amy's eyes the day we said goodbye to Jacob, and seeing the pain in my eyes echoed in yours. I remember seeing the joy in Priscilla's eyes the day Juliet came off the cannula. I remember countless days talking to Tara and Lucy and Amy and Priscilla as I sat and held my baby girl. And then there was Christmas Eve when Bonnie helped me get pictures of her in her stocking. To Gladys, for having the perfect hold! She is not just my daughter, she is your child too! I saw how much you all cared for her, and us. I thank you from my soul, for what you did for me and my family. Encouraging us, sharing in our excitement, and our sorrow. Thank you for being Juliet's advocate when I was not able to be there. Thank you for the late nights when you bathed her, and held her tight. Thank you for feeding her, and changing her diapers. Those things that are a mothers job. Thank you! She will know how much you all mean to me. I tell her daily how awesome you all are! I look forward to a day when she can meet you again, and get to know you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I cannot said it enough! I love you all and please keep in touch! -Shelly (Mama Phillips)